What does a wedding ceremony say about the beliefs and attitudes of the couples?
Written by Sally Cant for Threshold Magazine April 2007
Civil Celebrants were originally authorised to give people a dignified and meaningful ceremony one that both reflected the beliefs and attitudes of the couple whilst being true to their relationship. It is entirely the belief and values of the couple that is foremost when creating the ceremony with them. We are also there to provide an alternative to both religious ceremonies and the registry office.
As a Civil Celebrant I am passionately committed to the role I play in the community. As I continue my journey as a celebrant I am constantly reminded of the level of trust that is required for me to do my job, and do it well. I see myself as a facilitator, nurturing ideas and encouraging couples, so together we can create a ceremony that accurately depicts the couple, their values and beliefs, and their love for each other. The level of involvement differs from one couple to the next and I am there to guide them through the process.
Civil Celebrants have the ability to enrich the lives of everyone in the community, as they attend these ceremonies. We are able to add to human happiness and fulfilment in a tangible way. Ceremony not only gives people a chance to celebrate their partnership and formalise it through marriage, but ceremony itself, particularly the story telling component of a modern Australian ceremony also allows couples to put all the negatives behind them. The ceremony, if creatively written, can also be a healing experience for the couple, their family and friends.
I find the most meaningful ceremonies are those where I can get to the heart of the couple. This takes time and requires a few meetings with them. In doing this I am able to connect on a level that allows me to work with the couple to create a very personal and intimate ceremony. This process entails creating a unique ceremony every time and I wouldnt want it any other way.
Some of the questions I put to couples they may not have previously discussed, so the process I take them through can challenge them. Its not something I apologise for, because it gets to the essence of their true feelings on many subjects and what I often see, is that couples do not recoil from the challenge. Rather, couples find the process strengthens their relationship and enables them to explore their thoughts and feelings on a much deeper level.
When a level of trust is reached couples talk to me openly, which in turn means I have the information to filter throughout the ceremony. This cannot happen unless the couple have that trust in the celebrant.
When creating the ceremony with the couple I allow them the freedom to determine what they want included, not what I think they should have. (Obviously there are some mandatory components that must, by law, be included). As the resource person, I offer them many options that open their minds to elements of a ceremony they may not have previously considered.
An explanation of what can be included is often a revelation. I then watch and listen to how they discuss the information to determine if it suits them. Skills such as effective listening is paramount in our role to enable us to be open minded and non judgemental of the couples ideas.
In a ceremony, the elements that can bring out their values and beliefs range from the type of words I might use, poetry or music that is included, rituals and symbolism, along with cultural sub ceremonies that they might consider. I talk about the couple throughout the ceremony enabling me to bring in their values.
An important aspect of which celebrants need to be mindful, is the increasing numbers of inter cultural marriages taking place. This in itself creates a world of options with a wonderful tapestry of cultural rituals and values that can be incorporated into their ceremony. Unlike other countries, the Marriage Act allows us the freedom to create a very personalised and individual marriage ceremony.
Ceremony has the power to change lives and enhance the quality of partnerships. People want ceremonies of meaning and substance where they walk away feeling happy and uplifted, and know they have truly celebrated the love and friendship of a couple they hold close.
The feedback from clients is my daily reminder of the positive effect that a well created and performed ceremony can have:
Thank you for a beautiful wedding ceremony it was very special for both of us and our guests. We really appreciated your support and guidance, you helped us to think more deeply about our commitment and we ended up with a ceremony that really was very personal and very moving.
Thank you so much for arranging such a beautiful ceremony. You gave us excellent advice whilst allowing us to include our own personal elements. The story you wrote about us was lovely, painting a very accurate picture of us as a couple, based around our beliefs and values. It was wonderful how you encouraged us to write our own vows and allowed us to make our own choices.
Thank you for your effort, time and thoughtfulness, your understanding of our cultural differences and your willingness to incorporate all that for us. So many people were moved by your ceremony.
Sally Cant has a Graduate Diploma of Celebrancy and is Director of The Celebrants Training College www.celebrantstraining.com.au www.sallycant.com.au This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it 0408691405
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